Reading a post “Why are so many Christian Marriages Falling Apart” on social media, shared by a friend, got me thinking.
Being who I am, I could not sit without responding, especially after writing and publishing a book entitled, “Who Told You That?” The Truth About the Lies. I had to say something. 
So, I responded.
Here’s the challenge: People believe the lie that marriage is two half people coming together to make one. We say things like, “This is my other half.” That’s the problem. Marriage takes two whole people. We cannot come into a marriage with only half of our self.
{This ended my response}
My husband and I deal with this situation all the time when we are counseling married couples.
After we counsel the couple together, we separate them, and of course, I talk with the wife, and he talks with the husband. It never fails, I hear the wife tell me that he completes her, she wants to meet his every need, and that she needs him. I sit there and pray silently as she talks. I tell the wife all the time, “Get a life. Get some friends.” I also share with the wife that she cannot meet his every need. Without hesitation, I look her in her eyes and say, “Sister, you do not need him. You’re in a partnership as husband and wife.” It never fails. She looks at me perplexed, and if I’m honest, she’s looking at me as if I have lost my mind.
Then I meet briefly with the husband, and my husband meets briefly with the wife. During our conversation, I learn that the husband is usually stressed with his wife, depending upon him for everything. Yes, I said, “Everything.” I had one husband say to me that he feels an extreme weight on his shoulders. After all, he knows he cannot fulfill all of his wife’s needs and fears that he would lose her because he cannot carry everything for her. 
As I shared in a YouTube video not long ago, I encourage women to have a life; a life that is pleasing in the sight of God. Yes, love your husband. Spend time with him. Be with him. However, have a life that you live and have some girlfriends that you can shop with, spa with, eat with, go to the movies with, and take girls-trips. Have a circle of friends who will encourage you, uplift you, and challenge you. Take time for yourself. Take a bath by candlelight using some bath bombs and enjoy the quiet breathing in and out.
Before you write me off, answer these questions. Do you want someone to lean on you to the point that you become their entire life? Do you want someone to be available 24/7 and at your beck and call obeying their every command? Do you want someone to need you, especially in times that you cannot even help yourself? I honestly believe this would be hard for someone to live day in and day out with this type of pressure.
Do you want to make someone your life besides, Jesus? Do you want or need someone to complete you besides Jesus? Do you need anyone, but Jesus?
The Book of Genesis says, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Keyword ~ “helper” ~ to me, this is someone who compliments and not someone to be their all and all.
Leaning into Jesus and His Word and focusing on pleasing God will set us free to have one of the greatest marriages. Not free of challenges, but a different kind of marriage. I’m willing to say that having a marriage built on a solid foundation of God’s word and His instructions that we find throughout scripture will release bondages. Seriously! Marriages that operates based upon biblical principles frees you to truly love one another and focus on Christ in the center of your marriage.
I have been married for 28 years to the same man, and we follow Eph. 5. I submit to my husband as I submit to the Lord. He loves me as Christ loves the church, and I love him. Now that is out of the way; we do have disagreements. Sometimes days without seeing eye to eye, yet, our love for God and the covenant we made to one another before God always brings us back to the center…the very center of Jesus and His love for us.
A beautiful woman of God replied, stating her disagreement with my response. She shared that she NEEDS her husband, and he COMPLETES her. She continued by writing, “Without my husband, I am nothing.”
It would have been easy for me not to reply, but I had to. I wanted her to know that she’s a child of the Most High God with or without a man in her life. So, I did. I explained to her that she is someone. She’s a daughter of the King. I shared she is completed in Jesus.
That ended our conversation.
On the one hand, I say it’s complicated. On the other hand, I ask, “Is it?”
What are your thoughts? Please join the conversation, and let’s help those who may visit this blog post.
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