Let’s get to the root of it.
As leaders, do you ever find yourself afraid, abused, broken, fearful or feeling hopeless and insignificant? Do you at times feel lonely or rejected? Have you been in a place where the enemy has whispered a lie into your spirit? Did you believe the lie as truth? Let’s get to the root of it. Jeremiah 8:22 asks the rhetorical question, “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?” The answer, of course, is that healing is available to those who seek the Great Physician.
As a Christian leader, an ordained pastor, wife of a senior pastor and someone who formerly served on a ministry executive team, I have been wounded. I believed the lie that as a leader I needed to suppress how I felt. I hid behind the mask that all was well. Sometimes as leaders we may wear masks to hide our true emotions and feelings. When this happens you may continue to be wounded and the wounds can grow deeper and deeper until they become debilitating.
In my book, Who Told You That?: The Truth About the Lies, I share that as leaders we may find ourselves wounded at times. There are times when leaders wrestle with the lies versus the truth. This is when it is imperative to ask, “Who told you that?” This shines a light on the lies that have been spoken. Lies create wounds, but light gives room for healing.
Sometimes leaders withdraw and enter into a place of isolation. This happens because we believe the lie that no one needs to know we are faced with challenges. But God created a community so that we can actually commune with others. The enemy wants nothing more than to get us in a place where we isolate ourselves from others. There he can keep us in a cycle of feeling defeated. In my “transformational prayer” workshops, I share, “Isolation leads to darkness, darkness leads to secrets, and secrets could lead to spiritual death.” We never want to become so shackled by lies and our wounds that we find that we are spiritually dead.
Here are beginning steps you can implement on your road towards healing:
- Count the cost. Think about it in terms of your ROI. Your return on investment. How much more energy are you going to give this pain? Begin today by telling yourself the truth. Own what you are fighting through and use it for healing, self-direction, and build confidence within yourself to break free.
- Be honest, and admit to yourself that something is wrong. Feeling out of balance? Like all journeys, the path to healing begins with admitting that you are faced with a challenge. Deal with the fact that you have been wounded, and are experiencing some pain. It is our choice to own the wound or avoid our feelings. At some point we have to say, “Okay I’ve been wounded, now what am I going to do about it?” Only once we decide to own our wound can we participate in the fullness of the life that God has for us as leaders.
- Any journey apart from Jesus may land you in a web of deception. No matter what we try to do on our own to get through our place of being wounded, we must seek God, the author and the finisher of our faith, and his will in dealing with the wound.
- Believe God. Don’t simply believe in God, but believe him. No matter how dark the circumstance or disabling the pain, with God there is a way to wholeness and healing.
- Surrender to the guiding of the Holy Spirit. It’s about being Christ-centered and not self-centered. Ask the Holy Spirit to walk you through the process of healing by dealing with the source of your pain. This is beyond what you feel. This position will allow you to receive from the Lord. You may not like what you see, but it’s necessary to get through your wound to a place of healing.
- Be Present. Stay in the moment.
- Express your honest feelings to Jesus. It’s time to lament! “God, why?” How long? Why are people doing this to me? Tell God, “I’ve done everything you called me to do! I’ve been obedient! I’ve been faithful! “What did I do wrong?” Lamenting is good. This helps move you from your wound to your healing.
- Release and forgive. Release your wound(s), and forgive. This step is necessary in order to move forward. Releasing and forgiving allows you to be set free from the prison you have built around yourself. Failing to forgive, and that includes forgiving yourself, will lead to personal torment.
I realize that this can be a difficult journey, but it is necessary. You will be grateful to have embarked on this journey of healing past wounds that have damaged you, your family, your ministry and maybe even your relationship with Christ.
Join the conversation and share your thoughts below.
Ready to get to the root of it? Contact Gail at [email protected] for information and to schedule in initial coaching session or visit: http://gaildudley.com/wounded.html
Buy the book: Who Told You That?: The Truth About the Lies http://gaildudley.com/bookstore.html
First printed in Outcomes Magazine Fall 2014 pg. 46 by Gail Dudley
Reprinted with revisions, May 20, 2017
By Gail E. Dudley, www.GailDudley.com
It is difficult and risky to be transparent about our struggles as Christian leaders, especially as women. People look to us for strength, and we so often feel that we cannot be real. Being a woman adds another dimension of risk and, in my experience, fear. We are up against stereotypes and steep expectations. A woman is often labeled a b*tch, or assumed to be affected by her cycle (sigh). And those of us paving the way for younger women are especially vigilant, trying not to muddy the waters. Prayers as you continue forward with the dignity and strength that’s yours in Jesus’ spirit.
Amy, I agree. It is both difficult and risky. The labels can at times become too much to bear, but I am determined to persevere. My hope is that women in leadership can share with one another without masks. We all need someone. Thanks for joining the conversation.
Thank you for sharing you struggle, pain and heart. Part of the problem female leaders, pastors, ministers and the like face is that from the time we make public our call from God, we are instantly judged, rebuked, ignore and viewed as less than. It doesn’t matter if you come from a church that seemingly accepts female leaders or not, what the pastor is really feeling begins to surface and so do the excuses. Great blog! I wish more women would speak up and be heard…
Annette, you shed great insight. Why is that? Why are we judged, rebuked, ignored, and viewed as less than? I have met with many women as I help them through their journey of being wounded. So often women would rather quit what they have been called to do than to go through these struggles. I share my story because I am now free, and I pray others will become free. Now that I have been equipped to help others, my prayer is that those of us who are free will answer our call and pour into others who may be struggling. Thank you for joining the conversation.
Absolutely Gail! We have a responsibility as ambassadors of freedom to answer the clarion mandate of helping others. Count me in. This is Annette Jackson reporting for duty!!!
I could write forever about this, but will sum up most of my thoughts with full agreement to what has already been stated. Thank you for giving a voice to so many female leaders who hurt everyday due to misunderstandings. Be well!
Thank you, Deanna. You nailed it. “Misunderstandings.” So often I have prayed for individuals to step inside my shoes and look through my lenses. Maybe just maybe they could glean a better understanding of females in leadership. Thank you for joining the conversation.
Gail, your conclusion is exactly right. Follow the steps, then release and forgive. That’s where the real freedom happens.