I Can’t Breathe
The news cycle over the last 24 hours has been too much to bear.
My God, somebody make it stop. Please!
My breath has been slipping away for a while now, but at least I am able to grasp for air and keep on fighting for justice.
Ahmaud Arbery and the video of him being lynched still plays in my head. It was Mother’s Day when I did my jog in honor of his birthday and decided to spend the day praying for his mother. Just when I thought I could come up for air…
I be damned if now I have to lament my way through the video of George Floyd, who was murdered while having a knee lodged against his neck by a white man cutting off his oxygen. Mr. Floyd told him, “I can’t breathe.”
I. Watched. The. Entire. Video. #iCantBreathe
What the…. (yeah, you get the picture. I really want to drop that word right here.)
Many nights I am unable to sleep thinking about my Black husband, son, father, brother, brothers-in-law, nephews, and the Black male friends in my life. When my cellphone rings late night or early morning during the time my Do Not Disturb is activated, I grab my chest, hoping that the call is not news that one of the Black males in my life has died in the hands of someone white.
There, I said it. No, I do not feel any better saying those words, but I have danced around my white friends for a long time. I was trying to comfort them amid the horrific atmosphere I have had to live with for many years. I find myself assuring them that I do not see them as a part of the problem and do not fault them for the blatant racism and injustices of Black people. As I am comforting them, I am becoming angrier and angrier because they should be consoling me and standing up for me, and my Blackness using #BlackLivesMatter without having to hear all lives matters. What the hell!
I want to scream. Today was not a good day. All of my emotions have surfaced. Who’s going to do something? This post is not about likes or follows. I’m asking you if you will take a stand with Black folks in America who are losing their lives because of the color of our skin.
This is a problem with the system. Will you come from behind what’s deemed as politically correct and write legislation to help fix the system? Will you help expose those who are racist, waiting for the opportunity to call the cops on someone Black?
I am over talking about racism, yet I have to keep the conversation going.
Today’s blog post is for my white friends and family. What are you going to do? Will you stand with us for justice beyond making a social media post telling us that your thoughts and prayers are with us? Will you have a face to face conversation with your white friends who continues the narrative that “racism is dead” or throw out “what about blacks who kill other blacks” or whatever saying out there to help soothe them and allow them to go on about their day?
Yes, I want you to feel what I am feeling as a woman, wife, and mother of Black males. I desire you to pray while calling out to the Lord with tears streaming down your face as I do as a Christian woman. I implore you to step inside my shoes and look through my lenses and see what I see. I want you to feel your heart racing when the phone rings at night. I want you to witness what it is like without having white privilege. Yes, I want you to be just as tired as we are, and just as exhausted as we are on a daily basis.
You can no longer decide when you will speak out. Either you are with us, or you are against us.
Friends, remember… 
…and let us not forget the latest Karen. #AmyCooper who lost her job and her dog, but George Floyd lost his life. #BlackLivesMatter #JusticeForGeorgeFloyd
Finally, no. I will not apology for how I am feeling right now.
Please, use the comment section and tell me how you will stand up and become an authentic ally for Black people.
Thank you Gail. My heart is so heavy and I’m so grateful for your transparency. I want to be the best ally I can be, and have conversations with my white friends and relatives about the importance of justice for all. And I’m learning. Please continue to tell us white people what we can do, because Black Lives Matter.
I do stand with you, not because you’re black and I’m white, but because we are human, because I also have sons and grandsons, daughters and granddaughter. No one should have to be afraid that their person might not come back home when they just went out for a run wearing their own skin. I’ve spent much of the day crying over George Floyd. I hate that you have to be afraid and I do not have to, because the skins are different colours…. my heart is with yours. That’s all I can say.
Gail, don’t stop. We need your voice. Your anger is appropriate and I share it. I’m furious and sick at heart. Please don’t hold back. I am so sorry.
Carolyn
Oh Gail, no I don’t experience what you do, but I’m still horrified, angry, weeping…and writing and talking. And praying!!! And asking. I love yu.
Gail, I’ve not been posting much on Facebook, but I want my actions to speak. I’m lighting a candle and praying each morning. I’ve made as many calls as I can think of. I’m checking in with friends. I’m speaking in my circles. I’ve been learning. A friend and I will join a march on Wednesday. I will keep fighting racism in every way that I know to and am committed to continuing to listen and act. Praying for you each day.
Oh my…Gail, I read your #ICan’t Breathe post and it brought tears to my eyes! I kid you not that those were the exact emotions running through the core of my being. I just could not find the right words to express it the way you so eliquently did.
My heart is so heavy and I am so sick and tired of our sons, brothers and spouse dying in such a manner. It pains me that racism is live and well during a time that I thought we would be coming together as a people. We are dealing with this pandemic and have to constantly deal with this bull too.
This is not the way we should be living, we should not have to fear every time one of our males leave home, that they won’t return due to just being black.
We need our voices to be heard! We need for people to understand why we are so outraged! I don’t get it. I really don’t. All this hate in the world, how can people testify how much they love God yet they hate us or not willing to take a stance against the evil inflicted upon us on a daily basis.
I stand with you my sister! Keep uplifting us!!!
Some thing has to Break!!!
https://youtu.be/ZuZJUXmKBeM
Gail, I stand with you and all of my fellow Americans of Color. I am outraged and share your lament and will not be silent. I had a group over last night facilitated by my African-American friend, Karen Woods with 4 white and 4 black people. We cried, we shared, we lit a candle and we had a time of silence in respect for George. We brainstormed about finding our voice and what we will do going forward. You can be assured, we stand with you and Black Lives Matter!!!!!!!
Posting this on Pray.Network, hoping to help someone begin to #ReimagineJUSTICE (which invariably demands the #ReimagineCHRISTIANITY…then #ReimagineCHURCH…and #ReimagineDISCIPLESHIP …